radical

My lovely fake piercings and homemade earrings and hipster glasses for my costume.

1. His legs look broken. 2. We're cool.

Hope everyone had a lovely Halloween [:

this is halloween

Happy Halloween! This is my favourite time of the year, by far.

This is my Pikachu pumpkin. He looks a little disfigured, but that's because I kept getting frustrated and began hacking away at it vigorously.

The pumpkin was pretty much all I wanted to show you. I will put up pictures of my costume later. Here's my nerd in his dirty hipster costume:

Before....

And

After.

Bahahahahaha.

robots water the lawn

This is Kitty, my sleeping buddy. I realize the name "Kitty" is not an exceptionally original name for a stuffed kitty. However, I love her dearly and we are probably going be cremated together. [Would they charge extra for that?]

Goood morning!

I'm supposed to be at college being studious and whatnot, but instead I decided to stay at home and sleep and drool on myself and work on a sweater I'm knitting and watch porn. [I'm only kidding about one of these things, by the way. Here's a hint: I don't know how to knit.]

I'm trying to decide what this blog should be all about. My other posts signify that I really have no idea what I'm doing, and I guess that's okay. However, I would love advice or suggestions [ or feel free to tell me I'm an idiot or really anything else you want to get off your chest.]

Here's a rant:

 I reallyreally hate it when you go to a store and the cashier asks you if you would like to donate a dollar to the "Starving Ethiopian Children" or the "Mothers With A Child Addicted To Meth Foundation". And no matter how politely you decline, you can still feel their judgment burning into the middle of your forehead. You just know that your image in their eyes will forever be tainted because of  your callous, uncaring stinginess. And they KNOW you have a dollar to spare because they just gave you your change. [This is generally where you avoid eye contact and maybe smile a close-lipped smile at their shoulder and quickly exit the store, your guilt and shame trailing behind you, along with the cashier's silent profanities directed at your retreating back.]

Okay. Sorry I wasted a minute of your life.  That picture made me laugh though. And that seriously happens to me like, every other time I go somewhere and I am always filled with the same guilt and I just know that God or Buddha or Zeus or whoever is putting me on their List.

Anyway.....please give me suggestions or whatever.

grow up and blow away

Behold! Me and my Nerd [:

My lovely and talented friend Katie took this picture. I realize that this is like, the third time I've posted today, but I don't have a life and the Internet calls to me and forces me to succumb to its hypnotic Blogging powers. I don't even know what I'm talking about right now.

Anyway....Sometimes I like to take a look at my life and fix things as I see fit. Like, sometimes I feel like I should have really strong opinions about certain things like politics and oil spills or whatever. So I decide that I'm going to be a "Democrat" and I'm going to watch the news every single day and I'm going to donate to charities and so on and so forth. This almost never works out because 1. I can't tell the difference between a Democrat and a wombat. 2. The news is awfully boring a large percent of the time. [I have started listening to MPR in the morning though.] And 3. I'm broke as a joke, so if I wanted to donate anything to anyone it would have to be sperm to surrogate mothers [which wouldn't work because I'm lacking a rather important organ that is generally required for donating sperm.]

I also tell myself that I'm not going to ramble and that the thoughts coursing through my brain aren't nearly as important and witty and humorous OUTSIDE of my head as they are inside. But, as you can see, I have a knack for going on and on and on about dumb shit.

Here's a clip of the Justin Bieber song U Smile slowed down 800 percent. It's like, 30 minutes long so if you listen to the whole thing, something may or may not be wrong with you. I realize that this has absolutely nothing to do with anything. This post is just kind of all over the place.

Just to make this post even more random, here's the sexually oblivious rhino:

I want an elk for christmas.

Look at how noble and majestic it is.

Please?

inviting the monster over for tea

I have a lot of books. Boxes and boxes of them that have taken refuge in my closet and under my bed and in any nook and cranny I can find. My bookshelf is practically groaning with the weight of the books currently residing on it, so I had to get creative with my book stashing. Here are some good ones to read [for lack of anything better to write about]:

Holly Black:
Tithe
Ironside

Cassandra Clare:
City of Bones
City of Ashes
City of Glass

John Green:
Paper Towns
Looking for Alaska

Libba Bray:
A Great and Terrible Beauty
Rebel Angels
The Sweet, Far Thing

Rachel Cohn:
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

J.M. Barrie:
Peter Pan

Charlotte Perkins-Gilman:
The Yellow Wallpaper

Anthony Burgess:
A Clockwork Orange

Stephen Chbosky:
The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Sylvia Plath:
The Bell Jar

Diana Wynn Jones:
Howl's Moving Castle

Augusten Burroughs:
Running With Scossors
Dry

Janet Finch:
White Oleander

Peter S. Beagle:
The Last Unicorn

William Goldman:
The Princess Bride

Vladamir Nabakov:
Lolita


William Golding:
Lord of the Flies

Scott F. Fitzgerald:
The Great Gatsby

J.D. Salinger:
Catcher in the Rye

Bret Easton Ellis:
American Psycho

Jack Kerouac:
On the Road

Bram Stoker:
Dracula

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night.

I used to get painfully bored in my journalism class in high school, so this is what I did instead of writing bullshit articles.

And speaking of "blowing minds".....I just got home from a movie night with my best friend [who is, coincidentally, My Nerd as well.] We watched Dawn of the Dead [2004 version] and Zombieland. I have decided that nothing would please me more than to play a badass zombie in a zombie movie. It has become my life's ambition, actually. Which is a pretty big step up from what it used to be [ to live in a school bus on the side of the highway and sell flower pots.]

Seriously, who wouldn't want to be a zombie?

I am superduper excited for Halloween. I was going to be Mia from Pulp Fiction after she's had the adrenaline shot and is all bedraggled and gross looking, but due to the fact that I can't find a big enough fake syringe, I fear this costume will have to wait for another year. Instead, a few friends and I are going to be Dirty Hipsters. This is our inspiration. I will most likely put up pictures later, because I enjoy making an ass out of myself almost as much as I enjoy zombie movies. [A wholewhole lot]

they can land that plane on my heart, i don't care

Once upon a time...

...There was a boy and a girl. The boy spoke in math equations and binary code and the girl bit her fingernails and pretended to be somebody else. By chance, the two met and they made funny faces and gave strangers new identities and felt grown up when they went to the grocery store.

Once upon a time...

...There was a girl who liked a boy. The girl always had hair in her eyes and wanted to be a fairy-hobo-princess-pirate when [if] she grew up. The boy could do magic and he lit up pretty tubes and the light would glimmer and reflect off of the glasses he always wore [the same glasses she would occasionally adjust in a gesture much like a kiss on the forehead.] Sometimes the boy and the girl would lay on a blanket made of blue jeans and he would whisper words like “fractal,” and “melancholy,” and the way he spoke was like poetry or a spell. The girl fell in Like the way a child falls into a puddle, with the same sense of wonder and whimsy and excitement, and everything felt new and sparkly.

They watched movies with subtitles and sipped fizzy soda pop and made wishes on eyelashes and shiny pennies they threw into fountains. They talked about things like: “The Theory of Everything,” and: “Our house will have stained glass windows,” or sometimes words weren't good enough and they would have to resort to more creative means of communication. 

The lived happily.

Every now and then I will write random little stories about nothing in particular. This, however, is about something [or more specifically someone]. I have a nerd crush. I am fully convinced that nerds are the best kind of people to crush on. Not like, the scary 32 year old "nerds" who live in their parents' basement and play Yu-Gi-Oh! and eat fish sticks every day. But the smart, sensitive, sweater vest-wearing, quirky, going someplace nerds.

Top Reasons Why Nerds Are Awesome:

1. They can talk "nerdy" to you. [This sounds  a little suspicious and maybe it is, or maybe I just have a strange nerd fetish. Either way, it's hot.]

2. They are probably going to be billionaires. Not that I'm a gold digga, but marrying someone who can provide you with your very own petting zoo, bouncing castle, indoor swimming pool, and all the Hostess cupcakes you can eat doesn't exactly sound like a horrible idea.

3. They can fix your computer, provide you with good music, and help you with your homework. Among other things.

I'm not saying ALL nerds are this way, obviously. But my nerd is, so I guess that's all that matters. Anyway...here's this: